Sexual activity with a Child is an obscene heinous Crime

Each adult is responsible for self

Children are not repsonsible for what adults, think, feel, say or do.  The adult is responsible for everything they are and everything they do.

Adults are role models for children and children are like sponges absorbing everything around them,

Adult survivors of Childhood sexual abuse

If  you are reading this as a survivor of Childhood sexual abuse take a deep breath as your eyes scan all the words and please know these are words describing the affects of the trauma you endured; you may find it diffcult to see them written down.  YES you  endured and you have strength, courage and depth YOU ARE a survivor, YOU ARE a warrior and YOU CAN overcome any and all affects left from experiencing such trauma as a Child. 

This is a complex mix of any of the emotions, feeling or thoughts seen in the 
diagram   and you may have felt all of them at some point on your journey following the abuse.  THIS IS NORMAL.  You are 'NORMAL' you acted in the only way you could for the age you were at the time of being abused;  You did this to survive; Your response to the abuse was perfectly normal to unnormal events when you were at your most vulnerable; please remember at the time you were a Child who did not have the awareness, skills or knowledge to understand, to make sense of what was happening and you did not have the power or control to stop what was happening 'to' you at the time. 

A Child is not repsonsible for adult actions, a Child is powerless, a Child does not have the ability to protect him/her Self from a perpetrator who wishes to carry out sexual abuse,  You are not responsible for the abuser YOU are not guilty for the abuse YOU did not do anything for the
perpetrator to abuse you. He/she chose their own  behaviour they are 100% responsible for what happened not you. 

Its quiet a challenge to even think about that one fact isn't it when you are the abused person as a Child you are not repsonsible for what another chose to do to you.

Seuxal abuse of a child is nothing to do with 'love' or you being 'special' although the abuser will more than likely have said as much 'in the name of love'.  From the perpetrators perspective  its about oppression, power, control, taking what does not belong to him/her.  A thief who steals the innocence  of a childhood.  They bond you to them and brainwash you, what can a child know or do?

Its a crime - Its not right - Its unjust.

As you begin to heal do not confuse acceptance with forgiveness it is not necessary to forgive the abuser just accept them for who they are and that it was nothing to do with you personally what they chose to do.  Their behaviour to you was abusive and that's what we need to work with the reality of the 'affects' of how we suffered because another chose to behave abusively, their choice not ours; anothers behaviour is not within our power or control; a Child does not have any power or control to stop an adult who wishes to abuse. The adults in a Child's life are supposed to protect the Child not the other way round.

When you accept what happened 'to' you was not your fault in any shape or form ... then you can begin to heal.

When we are sexually and emotionally abused
as a Child we are wounded to the core of our Humaness our
Self-esteem and confidence does not have time to develop and we are lead to believe that life not  safe, trust is non-existant and we sense the world is not a safe place.  Our Self-esteem, confidence, self-worth. Self-belief, value and worthiness is replaced with fear, terror, shame, guilt, denial, Self-doubt no trust in Self and no trust in others who become our living hell. 

We feel confused, disorientated, we lose
perspective , our identity if we had time to build one at all and we feel helpless, isolated, different and blamed for what happened.  We are silenced into a world of pretence and we are isolated and disconnected from Others and Self; all these are the AFFECTS of what someone else chose to inflict upon us.  You may feel shame or ashamed still to this day no matter how many years have passed this to belongs to the perpertrator/s it does not belong to you.  It is never to late to heal even 50/60/70 years later it is never to late to heal your living in the here and now. 

Please know these are the AFFECTS of the trauma you endured; not one of these
affects is who you are as a person; Your identity is not based on the abuse you endured; although it may feel like it is.  YOU CAN HEAL.  YOU CAN create a life which you choose, not one given by another and/or others but a way of Being you choose. YOU CAN become all that you dream for yourself.

Please know you are not alone unless you choose to be - but why suffer any longer alone?

Your voice  matters -  You  matter ... BELIEVE

The only permission you need to heal is your own!

You were a  normal Child, you were abused and reacted in a normal way to abnormal behaviour of another

Image source unknown


You were the victim of a dreadful crime.

Its OK to have needs

"I believe you"

"I am here for you"

"What do you need " ?

Its OK to have wants

Its OK to cry

Its OK to be strong

Your voice  matters -  You  matter ... BELIEVE

Its OK to be YOU


You were traumatised and its OK to take your time healing

The effects of being sexually abused

Take all the time you need - there's no race

Gaining support for yourself is the gift you choose for yourself  as an adult in the here and now as you walk the Path Of Perception YOU CAN DO THIS  make your journey a little more bearable knowing someone else can share the burden with you, can share responsibility with you for a while.  Wouldn't you like to take a rest from the Point Of Pressure and all the affects you have endured? 

Know someone can validate, believe and hear your experiences, hold and support the weight of your trauma with you and support you, walk by your side for some of the way. 

Counselling offers you a safe space where you can build trust in yourself by building with another and I offer a space where you will  be listened to, heard and validated without feeling judged, critisised, blamed or shamed. I offer a safe space where you will be facilitated on your journey walking at your pace.  Together we can begin to unlock the padlocks on the chains that bind you and em
power you to walk your path with confidence, courage and compassion.

Its OK to be angry

Its OK to ask for
what you need

Its OK to be safe

Its OK to have your needs met

As an adult its OK to please yourself equally

Your Child voice matters & Your inner self matters.

Connect and lets get big!

Together we can find your Path Of Peace!

Imagine Self- management

Imagine creating strong self-esteem and confidence

Imagine being calm - Imagine being free - Imagine being you - Imagine being the best you can be!


Your voice  matters  -  You  matter

Contact me today to begin loosing  the chains which bind you and together we can find your

Path Of Peace together.

Susan Stubbings Doncaster