Everyone throughout their lifetime will feel the loss of someone they love through death. There is no ˜right or ˜wrong" way to work through your loss and arrive at a place of:

 'Gracious Remembering'

(Parents in Northern Ireland coined this phrase because so many of their children' lives have been lost; death sometimes a daily experience at the heights of the IRA conflicts, shared by John Etok). Whilst the loss of your loved one is truly individual and unique; grief, usually has an overall pattern.

When we lose someone special and unique we also lose the unique relationship we shared with him or her.

We all grieve in a unique way even  when we are mourning the same person.  As a Father you will have shared a different relationship with your Child then if you are a Mother and vice versa.  If the death was of  a grandmother, grandfather an aunty, uncle a sibling, cousin or a friend whatever the relationship each and every person grieving the loss of a loved one is suffering a truly unique personal experience.

After a death many people have probably told you time heals the problem with this statement is that it implies that when time has passed your grief will have passed with it.  Almost as if our sorrow, despair and pain will have dissolved by some unseen energy; so when we find ourselves some time from our initial numbness and shock we may still be feeling deeply bereft and with some intensity. After the death of a Child, our Spouse or our life Partner  for example the intensity may feel as if your precious one has just died and the intensity has not decreased at all this may go on for years.

What time does however is give us some breathing space until we gradually arrive at a time when we feel we may need to let go of the pain and sorrow and begin facing our here and now living.  We may gradually come to realise that we owe it to ourselves, our loved one's who are still sharing our life and to the Person who died. Turning away from our despair and sorrow does not mean leaving our Child or Loved one it means to let go of the pain, despair and sorrow we associate with their death. 

Because the person who died was so much more than pain and it is to the love, laughter and happy memories we can now look towards in remembering and in celebrating their life and the times we shared with them.

It is 'normal' to feel like you are going 'mad' or 'crazy' for a time following the death of your loved one many people cope with their bereavement and mourning runs a natural course.  You may find one day you wake up and you don't feel that intense feeling of aloneness or that feeling of not knowing what to do, the feelings are still there but they are fading and less intense.  You will never be the same again once you lose someone close through death but the intensity of your feelings will be more managable.   When time has passed  which is different for everyone your feelings will subside to a manageable level with special days such as anniversary of the death or the persons birthday or when at family gathering such as Christmas for example being more intense.   If however you feel lost or stuck in your grief for sometime or your feelings are overwhelming or you already had intense emotions or this death comes on top of other traumatic event your grief could be complex and/or compounded then it is advisable to seek professional support from a GP or through  counselling . 

Please note
Many people have fleeting feelings or thoughts of wanting to die themselves following the death of a close loved one and this is a normal part of grieving.  However  if you have prolonged feelings or thoughts of suicide , find yourself making plans or have attempted to harm yourself  or others it is wise to share those feelings and thoughts with someone straight away and seek professional help from your family doctor who will be able to support you and help to alleviate your distress.  If you are worried and can't get hold of your GP go to your nearest A&E and they will be able to support you.